篇一：夏鹏
I'm studying in a city famous for I ts city walls. All visitors to my city are amazed by the imposing sight of the city walls, silhouetted by the setting sun with gold and shining lines. With old, cracked bricks patched with lichen, the walls are weather-beaten guards, standing still for centuries in protecting the city.
Our ancestors liked to build walls. They built walls in Beijing, Xi'an,
Nanjing and many other cities, and they built the Great Wall, which snakes through half of our country. They built walls to ward off enemies and evil spirits. This tradition has been maintained to this day as we still have many parks and schools walled off from the public. I grew up at the foot of the city walls, and I've loved them since my childhood. For a long time, walls were one of the most natural things in the world.
My perception, however, changed after a hiking trip to the Eastern
Suburbs, a scenic area of my city. My classmates and I were walking with some international students. As we walked out of the city, we found ourselves flanked by taller and taller trees, which formed a huge canopy above our heads. Suddenly an international student asked me, "Where is the entrance to the Eastern Suburbs?"
We're already in the Eastern Suburbs," I replied.
He seemed taken aback, "I thought you Chinese have walls for
everything." His remark set off a heated debate. At one point, he likened
our walled cities to "jails," while I insisted that the Eastern Suburbs were one of the many places in China that had no walls.
That debate had no winners, but I did learn a lot from this international student. For instance, he told me that universities like Oxford and
Cambridge were not surrounded by walls; the campuses were just part of the cities. I have to admit that we do have many walls in China, and as we are developing our country, we must carefully examine them, whether they are physical or intangible. We will tear down some walls and we will keep some of it.
Let me give you an example.
A year ago, when I was working on a term paper, I needed a book on business law and found a copy in the law school library. However, the librarian turned down my request with a cold shoulder, saying, "You can't borrow this book, you are not a student here." In the end, I had to spend 200 yuan buying a copy; meanwhile, the copy in law school was gathering dust on the shelf.
At the beginning of this semester, I heard that my university has started not only to unify its libraries but also to link them up with libraries of other universities, so my experience will not be repeated. Barriers will be replaced by bridges. Through an inter-library loan system, we will have access to books from any library. With globalization, with China integrated into the world, I believe many of these intangible walls will be knocked down.
I know globalization is a controversial issue, and it is hard to say whether it is good or bad. But one thing is for sure: it draws our attention to China's tangible and intangible walls and forces us to examine their roles in the modern world.
And how about the ancient walls in my city and other cities? Should we tear them down? Just the opposite. My city, like Beijing and other cities, is actually making a great effort to preserve the walls. These walls now attract not only historians and archeologists but also many schoolchildren trying to study our history and cultural heritage.The Walls have turned into bridges to our past and to the rest of the world. If the ancient builders of these walls were still alive today, they would be proud to see such great change in the role of their walls. They are now cultural bridges that link East and West, South and North, and all countries of the world. Our cultural heritage will survive globalization.
篇二：夏鹏issue 批改贴
第一篇
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每一个段落之后的中文点评非常重要，仔细研读
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"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
Nowadays working experience outside the college is emphasized much more than before.[greatly emphasized] It is true, just as what[删掉] the argument said, that practical experience would be more helpful to improve the quality of instruction[instruction quality] than monotone[monotonous] academic life; however, overdose of the outside working may result in negative influence to the instruction[删掉]. Moreover, different people may have different styles of teaching with various personal disposition and capabilities, and different courses require various ways to teach. Therefore, working outside is a good but not the only approach to improve the quality of instruction, so the faculty should reconsider it in both the active[positive] and negative aspects.
语言很干净，综述了题目，提出了观点，给出了分析思路。
First of all, the active[positive] aspect of working outside is obvious. Teachers could[can, 这里和各位分享一下can/could和will/would之间的关系，当我们要软化语气的时候，建议用could和would，比如在argument当中具反例的时候，但是当我们要表明立场或者价值判断的时候，还有干脆一些，can和will便是首选] experience[动宾搭配的问题，experience和theory搭配起来很怪，不如改成 apply] the theories in a practical way, which in academic environment is hardly[hard] to achieve. Just as Alan Turing, the greatest mathematician and computing scientist in the last century, said that ["]you cannot construct a building with a paper, [and] teachers will not understand exactly how the theories look like in a real world without practical applications of them.["] The practical jobs can help teachers understand the courses they teach[删掉] deeper and they could[can] also tell the students about the working they did [have done] outside the college as a better example of application of the theories[theory application] than bare [abstract] explanation
of them[删掉] academically[删掉，我把academically这个意思放到了前面的那个abstract上了] or simulating examples. Thus, working outside is a great approach to complement the deficiency
[改为lack] of practical experience in academic world.
这段的结构不错，有分论点(sub-concept), 有价值判断，而且运用了名言的方式予以证明。我们来检视一下这段写作的重复对应性(well-focused and well-organized):第一句中分论点为apply the theories into practise. 在名言中，construct a building对应的是application，而 with a paper对应的是theories；第三句句中的theories对应第一句的theories，practical application对应application. (如果吹毛求疵一些，这一句的弊端在于，只有重复，没有发展细节，大家看看这么改会不会更好 the hand of an great architect teacher should not only be stained by ink when drawing the blueprint but also and more importantly by mud when working on the construction cites. 这句话我采用的类比的方式，ink对应的 theories，而建筑工地上的泥浆mud对应的application了。第四句，这个同学其实是写了一个发展句，解释了application of theories 的好处，即是对自己所教授的学科更加深刻的了解。如果是在考场上这么写，完全没有问题，因为我们很难在很短的时间内去非常严格的遵守逻辑次序，但是平时修改的时候，应该把这句话的位置摆在第二句，然后名言论证的时候要把这个好处也充分对应体现。结论句是中心句的完整重复，很好！)
On the other hand, too much concentration on working outside may lead faculty to neglect the essential spirit of instruction. The essential spirit of instruction is to construct[build] the theoretical foundation of pursuing improvement of classic theories and new discoveries [upon which the improvement of classic theories and new discoveries can be accomplished]. However, in the contrast[删掉], in real world, almost all the projects in companies is profit driven, which means the purpose of practices and researches is always to gain more profit in commerciality[删掉]. Google, for instance, has researched in cloud computing over a decade and in last year a netbook production using brand new cloud computing operating system named Chromium was unveiled. In an interview of a software engineer of the cloud computing project by PCWorld, one of the biggest technology web sites, the engineer said he used to work in a faculty in UC Berkeley concentrating on data mining before joining in Google; however, he believes Google is a better choice for him because of the higher payment, relax working environment and feels so good when seeing a real commercial production is released that he worked for. Consequently, researchers in a commercial environment might be allured by material profit and miss the original orientation of being a researcher.
本段的文字很清楚，但是，例子还没有完全展开。补充如下：if all the professors and reserches from universities join the profit organizations, there would be no teachers passing on the knowledge to the next generation, and thus it seriously affects the sustainablity of knowledge development. Above all, practicality both drives society forward and the teaching more down to earth, yet the essence of teaching, of passing on knoweldge should never be overtaken.
In a deeper discussion, the key of the quality of instruction is how the faculties teach rather than how much works they did inside or outside the college. The most significant content of instruction
is teaching, and the teaching is a[n] subjective[删掉] activity that is subject[ed] to the personal capabilities and disposition. Various understandings and styles of teaching lead to various
[teaching] approaches to teach[删掉], just as Da Vinci said drawing eggs when he was young, a different egg you[人称问题] are drawing whenever in a different angle you are looking. Hence, the college should respect and encourage faculties to develop their own teaching style. In addition, some courses cannot be satisfied by practical experience, theoretical physics for example, it is so hard to do an effective experiment to prove even just a little hypothesis. The idea that nucleus is not the smallest substance in the world had been proposed for several decades until people found the smaller one to prove it. Anyway, it will help to customize working plan for every teacher according to both personal attributes and courses need.
结构还是清楚的，但是达芬奇画鸡蛋的例子不能很好的证明教学方式多样性的问题。可以这么思考：diversities of teaching and academic pursuit should be respected and encouraged, just as a tailor makes different suits for different people, a chef, different flavors for different restaurant-goers.
To sum up, both practical and academic working is[are] significant to the quality of instruction, and more important[ly], how to make the working plan should be various[varified] in faculty considering[删掉] courses need and teachers attributes. It would mean more to arrange the working of faculty in a customized and objective way than to make a working formula applying to everyone for the improvement of the quality of instruction.
最后结论段重复了自己的观点和论据，很好。语言有些杂糅。
第二篇
TOPIC: ISSUE190 - "As long as people in a society are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use of public resources to support the arts is inappropriate-and, perhaps, even cruel-when one considers all the potential uses of such money."
WORDS: 353 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2011/2/27 20:13:03
In this fast-moving world, there exist some people who are in desperate need of food, clothing and shelter.Government is responsible for the decent allocation of public resources to those people.[这句修饰成分过度，读起来不舒服。比如fast-moving world, fast-moving和后文没有什么太大的关系。即便slow-moving world，人们也是要衣食住行的。另外there exist其实就是there be 句型的换汤不换药，一样搓的句子，你只用写出people后面的东西，就已经从逻辑上暗示他们存在了。所以there be句型，除非为了衔接使用，则能不用则不用。decent这个词，修饰allocation是多余的。所有的形容词在我们使用的时候，一定要去思考，不用这个形容词，句子的意思会不会收到影响。形容词是装饰，能少用则少用。所以，把上文修改为：People need food, clothing and shelter, and to cater for such needs, government is responsible to allocate public resources fairly and in time. ] However, if we only put emphasis on these basic needs and
neglect the importance of arts, we will [be]no doubt in misery. Shortly, we should try to strike a balance between basic needs and spiritual eichment. [这三个句子读起来节奏不舒服，原因是都是we引导的，当你在说“我们”的时候，说明你的脑子没有使用起来。改一下：Too much emphasis given to basic needs and too little attention paid to arts will no doubt lead to spiritual emptiness. Shortly, to ensure citizens a meaningful life, the government should strike the balance between the two longings.]
我把我写的文字给你重新粘贴过来，你看下：
People need food, clothing and shelter, and to cater for such needs, government is responsible to allocate public resources fairly and in time. However, too much emphasis given to basic needs and too little attention paid to arts will no doubt lead to spiritual emptiness. Shortly, to ensure citizens a meaningful life, the government should strike the balance between the two longings.
Admittedly, public resources should give priority to the fulfillment of basic needs since these needs are fundamental and necessary to human. Without food, who can have the ability and chance to seek spiritual needs? [说过的，不要用问句。without food, no one is able to seek spiritual needs]According to Maslow, the extinguished psychologist, human's needs can be described as a hierarchy. Physiological needs[删掉] and security needs are among the base of the hierarchy. Only when these fundamental needs are fulfilled can we pursue higher needs such as social needs and self-actualization needs. I once read a survey regarding the development of films and literatures[表意不清楚。看不懂] among 32 developing countries and 32 developed countries. The findings indicate that the more develop a country is, the richer the arts are. Hollywood, as the biggest movie maker, cannot enjoy its prosperity without the enhancement of American people's life. [例子与例子之间的转换不连贯。加一个Moreover, ]Mozart, who died at the age of 36 due to poverty, might have lived longer and created more outstanding works if his financial problems could be solved by the better use of public resources. In short, people cannot live a decent life if poverty and unemployment reign.
However, arts are essential to human development because through the pursuit of arts, we can gain happiness. As the saying goes, ' He only lives but he never exists, if materials are his highest goal'. On the one hand, seeking spiritual needs makes us know the meaning of life and the purpose of existence. Arts serve to lift human‘s spirit and put us more in touch with our feelings, weaknesses and conscience. The Cambodian government helps to the revival of the graceful Cambodian dance, although a great many Cambodian people are suffering from starvation and poverty. The government's act is indisputable, since the dance mirrors Cambodian people into the past, the past of existence and hope. (45分钟)
On the other hand, by allocating some amount of public resources to arts, we can at least solve the artists‘ livelihood. In history, there were uncountable artists who earned little and lived a vagrant life since their creativity cannot be understood by ordinary people at that time. China‘s famous poetry, Du fu and Holland‘s prodigious painter, Van Gogh are exactly the cases in point. If more artists are funded, these kinds of misery and distractions can be avoided, thus artists can focus
more on their creativity. In short[这个词出现的频率太高了], we should never neglect the importance of arts since arts reflect our humanity and rise us above the pains of flesh.
Finally, humans cannot live without bread or arts. While bread makes us strong physically, arts make us mentally strong. Public resources should be decently allocated to fulfill the needs of survival and self-realization. Striking a balance between them can be difficult for the government, yet rewarding for the improvement of society. [这段没有论证，不如直接并入作为结论。]
In all, public resources should be allocated appropriately to both hungry people and artists. Only in this way can we live harmoniously and happily.
点评：整体结构符合GRE标准。文字清楚。论证部分能够支持观点。但是语言表述中还有多余的东西可以去掉。不出意外，这篇文章应在4~5之间。
第三篇
ISSUE 51: ―Spending time alone makes one a better companion to others.‖
Privateness and gregariousness are of surprises, and of near certainty. Whenever the competition begins, one gives no way to the other: once aloneness outstrips social intercourse, the falling-behind catches up in no time; on the converse, the same. Yet better companionship does not have to be burdened by the two contestants since it should not be a tournament for triumph yet expected to end in a tie, rather.
有点故弄玄虚之感，造成了阅读的难度。对于学术写作，少用symbolism。 而且故意使用的语言节奏让文字不够畅快。我按照你的意思改一下
People wish to communicate with others, for no one can bear the loneliness and isolation. Yet, spending time alone is a good way to retrospect, and even is the prerequisite for finding a matched companion. The two ways of living seem contradictory, but the balance of the two makes a man of himself and of others.
Prior to exploring how solitude facilitates companionship, it is needed to consider the profits[benefits] to individual[s]. The foremost benefit lies in the emancipation from influence of the external. Two hundred years since, Ralph Waldo Emerson, a household American essayist and
篇三：网上关于新GRE写作的看法
关于新G：
很多考新G的版友可能会觉得，考试的形式改变了，题目也换了，从前的经验还能够作为参考吗？面对新出现的要求，是一成不变地思考还是需要换一种新的模式呢？对于新出现的陌生题型，我们的破题之路在哪里？等等，种种对于陌生考试的忧虑和不解。
GRE写作一直以来都是广大版友的一块心病。作为非native speaker我们对语言的驾驭能力本来就是有限的，现在却还要在写出文章的基础上加入严密而完整的逻辑思考无形中增加了考试难度。在漫长的学业生涯中，我们的英语作文从来都是200字之类over的，现在突然一下子动辄400字，500字地写，真的是让我们无所适从，这多出来的300多字我们写什么呀？大家看到这里都会觉得这个考试真是折磨人，更BT的在后面，还要在这基础上加上时间限制——30min for all。30min要写出4、500字并且逻辑严密的议论文？！老G时代，Issue 有45min，Argument有 30min的情况下，还是有很多人只能在规定时间完成全文的三分之二。现在时间下降到了30min，平白少了15min的写作时间呀，任谁都会觉得头大。
有很多版友在纠结，新GRE时代，前人的财富贬值了吗？我的答案是否定的。你信不信？反正我是信了（just kidding）。"The analytical writing assesses your critical thingking and analytical writing skills. It assesses your ability of articulate and support complex ideas, contruct and evaluate arguments, and sustain a focused and coherent discussion. It does not assess special content knowledge." 这段Analytical Writing的卷首语表明GRE作文的核心思想依旧没有改变。
再看评分标准：
1、follow the instructions of the prompt
2、consider the complexities of the issue or argument
3、effectively organize and develop your ideas
4、support your position with relevant examples
5、control the elements of written English
除了红色新增项其余要求与从前无二。而对于新增instruction的定位，ETS也明确表示起作用是“提示”，而不是“限制”。这些instruction从一定意义上来说确实给部分考生增加了难度——模版不再是“万精油”。在旧GRE一套模版走天下的时代已成为历史，笼统背诵范文和例子对于新G将毫无作用，因为针对不同的instruction考生必须要采用不同的策略来进行写作。
下面引用一个instruction来说说我的一些想法。 Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
这是其中一个目的比较清晰的instruction吧，要求考生不可以非常单一地赞同或者反对文章观点，而需要去在写作中充分考虑“idea”在什么情况下是成立的，在什么情况下是不成立的。如果这时还是“一竿子打到底”，结果可想而知了。在实际情况中，中国学生大多不适应GRE的平衡观点模式，认为平衡观点就是认为正反面都有理。这是错误的认识，试想下，如果都有理了，那还要我们来论述什么呢？所以，很多自认为语言，结构都很到位考生，最后依旧落得个3分结局。辩证思维并不等于两边讨好，而是更为理性地去看待问题。在此我认为，对于文章命题首先我们还是要有清醒认识，确立正确的一方来切入题目，围绕着一个中心来展开，相对于所谓“平衡观点”要更加具有倾向性和目标性，主题也更加紧密，思维连贯。与此同时，“绝对的真理是不存在的”，通过对命题的反向思考来完善。这样，即有一个明确的主题，能让读者清楚明白所要表达的意思，又能够体现自己在写作时的通盘考虑，何乐而不为呢？
比如下文对于artist和critic谁带给了社会永恒的价值，支持artist，这就给后文的论述给出了明确的目标，我接下来的论证是要紧紧围绕artist如何带给社会用很价值来展开的。流芳百世的艺术作品都存在很高的价值，并且很多都是传世经典，而这些作品正是由艺术家创造的，这是其一；第二点，关于永恒价值的定论，题目中并没有言明只是讨论艺术品的价值吧？但是因为牵扯到artist和critic大家都自然而然的会去往这方面思考。artist在古代是一个很特立独行的群体，很多艺术家并不为宗教伦理所禁锢，相反他们相比时代的很多人都要有思想，文艺复兴，是一个比较典型的例子，这一冲冲击封建，向往自由的伟大运动正是由一群被认为是疯子的艺术家们推动的。这也是一种价值的体现，并且比之实体作品更是物价的。接下来，也不能忽略了critic的作用，毕竟他也是题目的另一位主角。对于critic的作用我们同样应该给出一个中肯的评价，他们在带领大众认识艺术，对这些艺术家的评价等都是不可磨灭的，正式因为有了这些critic很多深涩难懂的艺术作品才能易于为民众所知，民众也能够通过critic的介绍，深刻认识到一些从未被注意过的价值。当然，因为我们是支持artist的，所以也要指出，没有artist，上述的一切可能就不会发生，critic也就不会存在，至少不会有这样那样的贡献，critic的贡献是依托于artist的，缺少了某些必要条件critic的作用也就不成立了。所以呢，真正带给社会永恒
价值的是artist。
这样一来，不仅保持了文章的主论调，对aritis带来永恒价值的深刻阐述，不仅仅是物质，还有意识层面上的价值，同时也很理性地认识到critic在其中所发挥的作用和限制，这样就在形式上体现了complex and analytical thinking，而不需要像“平衡观点”那样两头兼顾，一个没把握好全盘皆输的下场。尤其对语言驾驭能力稍弱的童鞋来说，平衡观点往往都成了模棱两可，明明自己花了很大功夫，却因为语言和思维上都不占优势而输的很惨。所以，我觉得对于语言能力不够的童鞋来说，不要去求什么辩证的深度，去为了平衡而平衡，这是很划不来的，ETS也没有说过，你给出了平衡观点它就会给你加分，就算有加分，平衡不来，也是加不上的。倒不如脚踏实地，不妨使自己的观点偏激一点，倒像一方反而能有更深的认识和见解，单就一点思考总是比两点要简单吧？
对于所谓“平衡观点”，我觉得其中很重要的一大因素则是statement中所围绕讨论的元素不存在对立关系，也就是要寻找题目中两个被认为对立对象之间的内在联系，通过对两者的糅合指出两者是共存的。
比如我考AW时抽到的题目，我觉得还算是个比较好写的“平衡题”：
It is the artist, not the critic, who gives society something of the lasting value.
题目中看似是要我们在artist和critic中间做出一个选择，究竟是谁带给了社会永恒价值的东西。按照一般策略我们应该选择其中一方，然后扬之长而揭对方之短，最后可以稍提错误一方的一些有点存在，或是继续对比二者优劣。该策略并不存在任何问题，也很符合要求，但就个人看来还是存在一定局限。artist和critic之间并非单单只是可以共生，很多时候两者可以说是相辅相成的。这些艺术品所具有的价值是客观存在的，并不会随外界影响而改变其固有价值的寻在，改变的只是世界对价值的看法和人自生的认识观念。artist创造出这些艺术品毋庸置疑，而让大部分人认识到这些艺术品深刻内涵和永恒价值的却是critic。就比如梵高，他的作品在那个时代一文不值，难道能说那些都是垃圾吗？其身后的辉煌就是有力的证明。只是因为当时的价值观念使得人们还认识不到那些作品的深刻含义。artist就好比养马人，马儿养的再好一般人也很难识别其中的差别，或许最多也就是认为马儿跑得快还是跑得慢。千里宝马需要那些独具慧眼的伯乐才能脱颖而出，critic就好比艺术界的伯乐，让世人能够认识除了快与慢之外的深刻价值。如此考虑，不仅仅丰富了文章，更是有一种透过现象看本质的感觉，一下子便提升了文章的深度，也就在众多文章中脱颖而出。
平衡观点固然有其妙用，但也并非所有的题目都可通过平衡观点以蔽之。就比如旧G题库中的第一题：
"We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning."
这两个方面表面上看似乎他们同样也存在着共生关系，而且经由天朝数千年文化熏陶，孔夫子曾曰”三人行，必有我师焉。“等论调，我们不自然地会觉得这题目应该持平衡观点，正反对我们都有帮助。这也是普遍性思维。确实如此，在现实生活中不论正方反方都对我们有着很大帮助，但这道题目这样写真的没问题吗？我觉得不然。首先看题目，其实这道题目的解题分为两个部分，以分号为分割，前部分论述两者的comparison，后部分则指出原因。说到这里，我想不少童鞋应该也发现问题了。如果该题我们持平衡观点打算”捣糨糊“的话，无疑增加了后半部分的论证难度。其次，从题目字面上看，题目的观点是”我们能从赞同者处得到更多“，所以文章并没有否定我们可以从反对处得到收获，文章的主要通过”much more“进行一个程度的比较，究竟是agreement还是disagreement对我们的帮助更大些？如果此处我们再模棱两可，认为两者都有道理，岂不是中了陷阱，必偏无疑了？因为题目是程度上的比较，而非作用上的比较。
ETS可能也发现了大家存在审题方面的问题，在新G的题库中，这类题目以一种新的形式进行了一些变化。这也就是新题库中Claim&Reason的前身，将两者进行了
以上纯属个人观点，如有不当，欢迎斧正。